Nearing 30: Growing & Learning

So later this year I will be turning 27. It is something I still can’t quite wrap my head around. Wasn’t I 24 just a bit ago? When did time go by so fast! Looking back on my earlier years as a budding adult to where I am know makes me thoughtful and wishful. My older friends laugh at me in understanding at my transition and confirm my realizations and mistakes. So for fun I decided to share my wisdom and lack thereof with the wonderful world wide web.

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* {I have no idea what I’m doing.}
When I was in my early 20’s and even back in high school, I had this illusion that when I’m older I’d be exactly where I wanted to be, goals met, life figured out, my path clear and determined. Well…not so much. At 25 I started freaking out thinking by this time I should have had so much more achieved, my future a solid thing. Getting closer to 27 I have (mostly) come to peace with the fact that it’s ok that I’m still figuring out what I’m doing with my life. Because lice has this great way of throwing you for hurdles you never expected. Also: most people on my life my age and older are in the same boat! Which makes me feel like less of a loser.

* {letting go of negative ‘friends’}
Due to a very bad relationship my social circle was pretty small in my early 20’s. When I finally got out of it my friends increase exponentially! I met people through people, eventually got in a better relationship and befriended his friends, etc. As time went by I realized some of these people were not the best to be around for me personally. I used to worry about not having a large group of friends because that would mean I was lonely and unlikeable. Life however isn’t like TV and having a small group of friends is totally fine! We may not see or talk all the time but they’re the good ones. I’d much rather have only a small group of pals than a large group that is stressful and full of drama. Speaking of…

* {ditch the drama llama}
Did you know life in general is so much better when there is not other people’s drama bringing you down? I used to think in my youth if early 20’s that being involved as an active listener to the drama of friends made me a good friend. Really though it just stressed me out and bugged me that people liked to repeat themselves without trying to do anything to help themselves. You know the type, it’s always other peoples faults, they always have to be right, so on and so forth. One day this year I woke up and gave drama the middle finger. Some I stopped talking to all together, others I just let them know I’d rather not be involved or hear it. Man did my stress levels drop! I’m there for real issues and needs, but no drama llama for me!

* {failure is ok}
This is the biggie one for me personally. Growing up, like many of my generation, I was told I had to go to a 4 year college, graduate, get a good job with the degree, and be successful before 30. It all seemed to attainable in my youth. However, I ended up having to work full time or more while attending a full school course. I was in an abusive relationship which prevented me from pursuing better opportunities. I went for a degree I thought I should have and not what I wanted. Education prices kept going up along with my rent, and I eventually just got burnt out. I had a breakdown, got kicked out of school for 2 bad terms in a row, after (too late) quitting my over fulltime job to focus only on school. I felt like the worst person ever and that I was a failure to my family and society. But really I’m not. If I had better direction and not such dreamy unrealistic ideas back then I would’ve gotten a great technical degree and moved on to that. Alas we can’t go back in time. So now I’m dusting myself off and telling myself: shit happens. My image of myself and my goals must change with how society and life is now. I’m going back to school, for something I like and can get me work. I’m not killing myself with 40+ hours of work in an unorganized environment, but normal full time work in a structured facility. I’m also allowing myself to make mistakes, and more importantly take time to have fun. Most of my college life I didn’t do anything but work and school. I missed so much. So I’m making up for it now.

Kind of a heavy and random post, I know. Yet I know a lot of people my age who feel lost or not quite sure of themselves because 30 is supposed to be the magick age of ‘I have my shit together!’. If you do: great! Enjoy it and share your wisdom! If not, well that’s ok too.

Happy thoughts and vibes too you all!

What are or were your thoughts on leaving your 20’s behind?

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